.::when a liar writes::.

there's no word that i can say now, except sorry, i know i just spoil your day with my stupid fucking words, even worst i spoil your studies for your test tomorrow, i sorry, im sorry, im sorry, i never mean to spoil your day or test, but i just concern about you, ok? it is wrong for me to concern about someone that i love more than i love myself? fine, you hate me when i always disagree with what you doing, and i never understand that you hate me doing that, but you're wrong, i know you hate me doing that, but what else i can do when i see someone do wrong things from my eyes, but... damn, yeah, im wrong, im always wrong, whatever i say, everything i say, all of it is wrong, i never make things ok or perfect, i even make it worst, yeah, its true, i never help you when you have any trouble, and, yeah, you really don't need my concern, you really don't need me to care about you, coz im all wrong, but you know what? for everything you did shit to me, you let me hanging alone, you make me suffer, you make me eat leftovers, and for all those i never care for that, i never mad at you, i never shout at you, i never show my temper at you, and all that you know why? coz i know you hate me to do that to you, and i really can't do that to someone that i love, and i have no right to do that to you... and what i can do is, letting people of all of this world read about this without show it to you... im really sorry... ungku khairunnisa... im really sorry...hate me if you want to, and let me suffer for all that... im strong enough for all that eventhough im superbly weak to you...

i don't know what's im going to write, well, im not a good writer, nor good blogger; i write what's playing in my mind, but, last week, i always think about rich boy toys, from what i can see, most of those stuff is the stuff that they not deserve to have, well, just think about this, is it cool for a boy to have a good looking camera mobile phone with latest technology but don't really know how to use those gadget except the basic function? come one, i know that's a trend to have camera phone, but, do you really need it? fine, you know how to take pictures with it, but you know how to utilize it with GPRS and MMS function? i don't even said bluetooth, EDGE, irDa, or other-tech-stuff yet, even me use the old monochrome nokia, its not coz i could not afford to have one, but, do i really need that? well, that's not the point what im going to write, it's about deserve... i treally hate people that have those super powerful gadget but not really know how to fully use it, damn, i remeber when somebody ask me for help to built a new pc, with high end stuff, with no limit of money, 21' LCD monitor, AMD64 FX-53(that cost a bomb that time), and other stuff, damn, i think its about 8,000plus, and i really annoyed about it because he only use it only for desk work, and occasionly for games, duh, he really not deserve to have that rig, hey, no one deserve to have cool stuff only because he have money, ok? he only deserve it only if he really need it and know how to use it, not because of money.... ok?

again, im writing here, as usual, nothing new happen now, but, hey, i got a really good news, until today, its been a week i didn't have any smoke in my body, yeah, and im successfully prove myself that im not an addict, yeah, get it guys? im not a smoker, im not a good smoker, ok? what else? i don't think there's anything good happen this week, i doing usual thing that i do now, jog, eat, sleep, well you guys know what i do, right? erm, ok, fine, me again try to suicide last night, nearly, ok? but i still have my mind and soul, so, hey, there nothing to care about, ok? its happen coz its been a great pressure to think about a girl that i love but i really can't have any love relatioship with her, just don't want to have same thing again happen, and still, i don't know why i still have feeling towards her, damn, she kill me but i still love her, why? not once but twice, ok? damn, why?