.::when a liar writes::.

just got back from hospital yesterday, and i got date with shrink tomorrow, damn, im not crazy, ok? its just damn new scar on my hand, im not die yet, even im not really intend to die!, fuck! im just talking rubbish here, no one gonna understand me, nor even understand my writing, right? great! its damn fucking great life i've got now, insomnia, get dumped, failing, scars, damn,, its fucking great life! izzit true, fucking girls? you guys make my life miserable, well, congratulations, you guys succed! izzit enough? why you guys add even more fucking things in my life? huh? well, if you guys still not satisfied, go on! just go on with your fucking plan! and i promise, i'll haunted you life forever!!

2004, for me is the worst year of my entire life, i have the worst birthday, the worst 'idul fitri, the worst life, damn, everything is worst for me now, damn, am i that bad? is it my fault for this freaking damn thing happen to my life? yeah, im only 19, got much time to explore, but do you have this fucking thing happen to you when u're 19? huh? izzit cool to have this thing happen to your life? huh? do you fail ur exams? do you fail in your love life twice? do you have insomnia? do you have the worst birthday? do you have it all happen in same year? do you? if you have it all happen, come to me and tell me an advice, if you not, don't waste your energy to give me advice coz im not going to listen to it, ok? adios!

today's a very bad day for me, me actually not recovered from fever that i have yesterday, but still i go to my mom's shop and help her. my first task, count the stock, damn, this thing supossed to be done by my bro yesterday, duh, he's going to hell tonight, damn, then, my head started to spinning around, my breath is hard to take, my kidney in pain, my vision started to blurring, duh, what happen? straightaway me taking nap about 2 hours, and thankfully, all of it recovered except the pain on my kidney. its hard for me to sit, but i still manage to go on ove it, then, 3 hours later, again my head started like spinning and my vision too, duh, but it not worst like before, i still manage to drive, my mom start to lecturing me about my health, bla bla bla, but when i think about it, hey, its cool! maybe i can die soon! i can leave this fucking cool world without suicide, damn, i hope i can suicide now, done 3 times but always fail, but now, i never want to suicide again, its hurt, and also, what going to happen to me in baqa'? i know im going to hell, but i never want to stay forever there, ok? at least im still muslim, hehe, ok? adios!

yesteday i got a very nice day, very-very damn fucking nice day, sorry for my words, i am what i am, heh, for the first time in this 3 weeks, i got a very nice sleep, a reallt precious sleep, uh, for anybody that doesn't know it yet, i got insomnia last 3 weeks, damn, it was a really nice sleep although i have to wait fever come to my body, duhh, anyway, it was a really good sleep except the dreams that i have, i really hate to talk about it, it reminds me to someone that i really don't want to think about for now, it spoilt my precious sleep, damn, i rather not sleep than dream about that thing, well, what can ido anyway, its already happen and i just have to let it go, just what i always did before... damn!

Since this is the first time im writing here, welcome to my blog space! im not going to write anything here yet, as im already write something before at my blogspace at myspace.com, well maybe im going to write something tonight, im not feeling right now, im having fever, ok? anyway, thanks for visiting